do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
