I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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