I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
