I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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