so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
