How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
