Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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