me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
