I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
