...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
