Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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