Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
