Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
