So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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