I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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