i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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