omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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