He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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