She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
