i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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