get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
