What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
