we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
