oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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