The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We are all done wearing pants today
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
