I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
