He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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