Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
