Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
