hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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