Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's shark week go big or go home
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
