I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
