I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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