He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
