Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
