Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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