I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
