Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
