You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if only i could text you this smell
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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