Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
