Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
