I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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