Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
