No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
