I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
