I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
