So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
