This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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