Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
