then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
