Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
