i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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