my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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