I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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