hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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